If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize