is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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