Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
