I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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