it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
