Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also, beer. Big fan.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
