She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
