He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
