i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
