whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
there is glitter all over my balls
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
