would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
