I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
