I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
