I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
