I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
