my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
