Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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