The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
either way he was missing a nipple.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
