I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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