i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
