Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
