Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize