They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
