He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the liver wants what the liver wants
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The ass gains better be worth it
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