I could make wine with my vomit
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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