you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize