Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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