she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize