I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
