I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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