This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
