I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
