just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
