So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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