I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
