How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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