Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
