You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize
