It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
