My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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