you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
