break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize