If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
