Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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