So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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