I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
