girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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