i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
