she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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