I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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