i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
