I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
