Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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