idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
