Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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