Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
