I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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