This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Drunk is not a location!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
