So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
