I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
