party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
