so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
