my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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