like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
