you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
