No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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