a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
